BDBH Head Chatter

  Self-Evaluation Certain words act as immediate triggers, sparking instant defensiveness. Words like prejudice, bias, selfishness, self-centeredness, arrogance, control, and rudeness carry strong negative connotations that no one wants to own. However, before reflexively denying them, take a moment to evaluate your true behaviors, thoughts, and motives. Impact often matters more than intent. It isn't just about what you say or do, but how others interpret your actions and how those actions affect them. When someone experiences a negative impact, they naturally use these heavy terms to describe what happened. Remember, opening yourself up to positive emotions like love, passion, and understanding requires you to also remain open to experiencing sadness, loss, anger, or fear. True self-awareness means recognizing your presence and how you influence the people around you. Key Considerations for Reflection Evaluate Your Impact: How could you have shown up differently in that moment? ...

  When we determine our direction solely by running away from our past, we allow our history - rather than our actual values - to maintain control over our future. Rebounding to the exact opposite of what hurt us creates an illusion of safety, but it remains a reaction, not a conscious choice.  The Pendulum Effect (The Traps of "The Opposite")  Overcorrection is switching from an extreme on one end to an extreme on the other; often, it replaces one set of problems with another (e.g., leaving a controlling partner and choosing someone entirely emotionally distant because they don't micromanage you).  False security happens when the opposite of a bad thing isn't inherently good; it's just a different thing. A situation can look completely opposite on the surface while remaining equally unhealthy beneath.  When we are defined by pain, our primary compass becomes "anything but that"; our decisions stay tethered to what hurt us. True freedom is defined by wha...

What his death showed me. What I now know… truly great men/women don’t live long. When my grandfather died, I was young about five I think, but I remember. This was the beginning of me separating myself from death, I shed few tears if any.I remember when my aunt Mayola died. I was about nine or ten years old. She had been in the hospital for a while, and when I got the word that she had died, I told myself that I didn’t know her that well, that she was in the hospital and she was going to die anyway, and I shed few tears. When my grandmother died, I told myself that she was old, that she was going to die. She was 100 years old. I told myself that it was her time and I shed few tears. When my Aunt Cat died, I told myself that she had been sick for a while and that it was her time. I shed few tears at her funeral. When my cousin Nicholas died though it was a car accident and it was completely unexpected I told myself that it was his time, and I shed few tears. When my cousin Deborah...