BDBH Head Chatter

  When we determine our direction solely by running away from our past, we allow our history - rather than our actual values - to maintain control over our future. Rebounding to the exact opposite of what hurt us creates an illusion of safety, but it remains a reaction, not a conscious choice.  The Pendulum Effect (The Traps of "The Opposite")  Overcorrection is switching from an extreme on one end to an extreme on the other; often, it replaces one set of problems with another (e.g., leaving a controlling partner and choosing someone entirely emotionally distant because they don't micromanage you).  False security happens when the opposite of a bad thing isn't inherently good; it's just a different thing. A situation can look completely opposite on the surface while remaining equally unhealthy beneath.  When we are defined by pain, our primary compass becomes "anything but that"; our decisions stay tethered to what hurt us. True freedom is defined by wha...

What his death showed me. What I now know… truly great men/women don’t live long. When my grandfather died, I was young about five I think, but I remember. This was the beginning of me separating myself from death, I shed few tears if any.I remember when my aunt Mayola died. I was about nine or ten years old. She had been in the hospital for a while, and when I got the word that she had died, I told myself that I didn’t know her that well, that she was in the hospital and she was going to die anyway, and I shed few tears. When my grandmother died, I told myself that she was old, that she was going to die. She was 100 years old. I told myself that it was her time and I shed few tears. When my Aunt Cat died, I told myself that she had been sick for a while and that it was her time. I shed few tears at her funeral. When my cousin Nicholas died though it was a car accident and it was completely unexpected I told myself that it was his time, and I shed few tears. When my cousin Deborah...