Are you living in an alternate reality? - Functioning inside of Dysfunction

Article cover imageImagine the possibility of each of us operating in our own reality. To show this, draw a straight line on a piece of paper. The bottom would be your birth, and the top would be death. The middle is where you are right now. If we were to exist on this continuum, then our lives would mimic the ideal. Now imagine that every time something happened to us, that was difficult to process. It kicked us off the “straight and narrow.” The new path becomes a reality at that time, altered by that life event. Every time something happens, this pushes us further from our true selves.  The version that was the most authentic becomes altered. Failing to regroup puts us in this faux reality. Imagine existing in this faux-reality since the age of five. You may not even know how to re-group at this point. And because everyone has different life experiences and milestones, everyone has a different faux-reality. Now compare how people in society relate to each other.   

Imagine if trauma, accidents, abuse, someone being mean unprovoked, someone cutting you off and you totaling your car, being bullied, someone lying to you at work, or someone minimizing your existence; imagine if those things placed us in a faux-reality where we existed believing that everyone lived as confusing as the incident was to process.  

What if I told you that many people did not like being who they have become. They are who they are because life taught them that if they didn’t scream and yell and trample over others, they would be screamed at and trampled over. This mindset and behavior create that alternate reality. It becomes so powerful that anyone close to this person is sucked in. 

What if knowing if you are even in this faux-reality was based on your communication style. The communication styles are passive, assertive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive. A passive person allows others to walk over them, they want to change, but the needs of others become greater than their needs. An aggressive person has learned to not consider anyone but themselves; their wants are the only wants that matter, and they don’t mind proclaiming that. An assertive person considers the wants and needs of others, but they also consider their needs and wants. These people are kind. And a passive-aggressive person is mean with a smile on their face. This person throws verbal daggers with a laugh at the end, which minimizes the sharp stab when felt but does nothing for the pain that the individual feels. And because an "I'm sorry" or "I didn't mean it that way..." can be tacked on the end, the person who feels this pain is left hurt and angry. This is the most dangerous type of communication, in my opinion. 

Once you’ve experienced anything, there is no way to get back to it never happening; there is no way to un-spill milk. But you can get so close to your ideal self, and your life won’t be revealed in your speech, walk, and behavior. Because not dealing with what’s eating you will eventually consume you, you can’t hide it. Everyone sees that you’re operating in a faux reality, your outbursts, your disregard for others. It screams “faux-reality.” It screams that you're hurting, but it is your responsibility to get the hurt out; you are responsible for that, no one else. 

What now? Getting back takes time, practice, and counseling. If you need help, reach out to me. You don’t have to stay there.  


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