Another Perspective

I posted this August 12, 2012, on another site.  I've created this new blog and want to bring over the older posts.  So here goes...

I remember ear hustling while my Mom and Aunts would talk when I was younger.  Their conversations many times revolved around hair.  the women in my family have beautiful.  The women in my family have beautiful hair.  My Mom and Aunt moved to Miami, Fl and I remember them rolling their hair every night with the large pink rollers where the usual routine was to remove the roller the next morning comb all the hair to the back, place both hands on each side of the mane and push forward creating that swoop, which then a comb was placed in the front to create a bang like formation.  I have learned since being an adult that Mom's job was much like factory work or should I was the working conditions were like such.

When she returned home, many times her hair looked nothing like it did when she left the house that morning; that could be contributed to the fierce Florida humidity, the working in the factory setting and just plain time as hair will fall over time.  I won't even begin to try to play them by saying, "why would they spend so much time on their hair when it didn't last?" That isn't the question.

I'm now 44 years old, and I have 14-inch locks, that are dyed bronze with the tip being in the blond family.  It wasn't colored that way originally, however over the years of not finding the same color or just deciding to change the color the combination of products has created what I now love.

I debated locking my hair for years; and it wasn't until January 3, 2008, that my oldest son (who had recently locked his hair) got tire do me talking about it and went with me to the hair dresser as she cut it first then proceeded to give birth to my most loved hairstyle in my life time.

I am speaking from a black woman's perspective because that's the only position that I can say that I'm qualified to come from; I keep in mind that though I have a great deal of experience in this field I dare not say I speak for every black woman.  We put great emphasis on our hair in an attempt to force others to see us as we are, for them to not judge use by our appearance.  We truly believe "come straight or don't come at all..."  and it has nothing or very little to do with vanity and much more to do with what we have come to believe, "they are looking at me because my hair is knotty..."

I remember being 16 years old and it was the first time I would have a relaxer.  My Mom took us to the local cosmetic college to have our hair relaxed because it was much cheaper than going to a regular hair dresser.  The first time I went my menses arrived the night before and my Mom wouldn't let me get my head wet. (I chuckle now because that isn't practiced much today).  I hated my hair because I felt it was too kinky and difficult to comb.  It didn't lie down and I didn't see myself in a positive light then.  I felt if my hair was done (meaning straight) I'd feel better, look better and do better.

Let me be the first to say that that's not what happened at all. Once my hair was relaxed I began looking for other things that I could change my ability that would make me look and be everyone else; I never did find that right combination.

I was a teenager in the 80's.  I remember hearing my Mom and Aunts talk about a lady being fired because she came to work with braids in her hair and refused to take them out.  I remember thinking, "if she wants to succeed in Corporate America she will have to get rid ofthose braids".  Not only did I feel like that, I remember my position being reinforced by my Mom, Aunts, and friends, as well as neighbors.  We all felt the same if you want to work the braids have to go, you have to fit in.  and by fitting in everything that resembles your personal life should be kept, "in your personal life," to include your hair.

Fast forward again, I remember Venus and Serena being introduced to the public.  It was apparent that these ladies could and would dominate in the sport, however, as I watched (and I had never watched tennis before) the only thing that I could think was, "why won't they do their hair," don't they know the world is watching them and they have to represent well... We all know the outcome, I'm not exactly sure how or when it happened but it did, their hair became straight and then the focus was on what it should have been on, their strength and dominance in the sport.

India Arie made a song, "I am not my hair," in what I believe was an attempt to turn the focus from the tresses, to the individual, some of the lyrics were:

Is that India.Arie? What happened to her hair? (proceeded by laughing)
Little girl with the press and curl 
Age eight I got a Jheri Curl
Thirteen and I got a relaxer 
I was a source of so much laughter 
At fifteen when it all broke off 
Eighteen and went all natural 
February two thousand and two 
I went and did 
What I had to do
Because it was time to change my life
to become the woman that I was inside
Ninety-seven dreadlocks all gone 
I looked in the mirror 
For the first time and saw that HEY..
I am not my hair...

Before this Chris Rock did a complete documentary on Good Hair that was both humorous and informative.  With these two from our own community, we can see th eposition that one, we as black women love our hair and some don't.  We understand that there are others that may not share this passion, as well as this is a billion dollar industry.  to keep us focused on our hair keeps other swealthy and I mean very wealthy.  

A few days ago, Gabrielle Douglas and BKA Gabby won a gold medal.  I was in Canada at the time and it was awesome to see a young black woman excel to that level.  I can't even begin to wrap my mind around how difficult training is on that level.  In my small world, I work out and have forgone working out for many years because I put my hair first.  Or at least that's what I told myself and everyone.  When I decided to get in shape my hair was but a small portion of who I wanted to become.  I have to admit when I initially saw Gabby my initial thought was "baby do something to that hair," and before I could allow my mind to wrap around that thought I checked myself, remembering that when you work out on that level your hair cannot be a priority.  I was sitting and hoping after reading FAcebook posts and random comments, "I pray this doesn't make the news" but unfortunately it did.  When I read, on Global Grind, "Blacks are responsible for Gabby's hair comments," (paraphrased), I can say I truly laughed out loud.

Then I thought this is clearly someone that wants to continue to show separation and self-hatred within the black community.  Please believe that because a statement was made doesn't mean it was made with a negative intent, and of course, there are exceptions to that and I had to learn that with age.  That's not to say that there aren't any really negative mean black people, but for these thoughts, I will ignore that group.  There are those who will never accomplish anything, have no goals, dreams or aspirations, and find wrong in everything that anyone else does.  Again, right now that group is insignificant.  Let's look at those that know through life experiences that if we as black women represent well we must do it well, and it's only a matter of time when our outward appearance will be ridiculed or become an over shadow of our true accomplishments as soon as our ability warrants recognition.  

Now I ask the question, how and why did this story get picked up? Think about all the significant things that happened during the Olympics.  I was in Canada at the time and didn't hear about the hair "via news" until I got back to the United States of America.  Out of all that could have been reported that could have been more news worthy OUR media chose to focus on Gabby's hair, REALLY... It's not just Blacks doing this, name one black owned TV network that reported this.... I'll wait... 

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