Forgiveness

Let's talk about forgiveness. There are many opinions on the subject, and if asked, each opinion-er will argue that they are correct or valid; and this article will not fail in providing you with yet another opinion on forgiveness. Beginning with the definition: after googling the description, this one best fits this article. Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim changes feelings and attitude regarding an offense; let's go of negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance.

To elaborate on that definition, forgives is choosing to let go of the negative energy that binds you to the person that offended or wronged you. It is you who decides not to allow that negative energy to keep you two bound together. I have heard throughout life that forgiveness is for the victim, not the offender. I usually dismissed the thought and the person behind such foolish talk, which was what I believed it was. I now understand. Choosing to forgive someone does not mean that undying love and friendship must occur; neither does it mean that they must attend your yearly b-b-q's. It just says that there has been a choice to release the negative energy that binds the two of you together. 

       

Many likely switch the definitions of forgiving and forgetting. Forgiveness can happen at the snap of a finger, it's just a choice; forgetting is what takes time. It may take time to forget how you allowed someone in your inner space, and they created chaos. It takes time to move a person from the intimate area to the outer boundaries of your life, especially if the person was a partner or lover. That takes time. Forgiveness doesn't.

There was a recent case regarding Amber Guyger and her killing her neighbor Botham Jean in his home. (This article does not consider any subject but forgiveness.) After the trial, Mr. Jean's brother hugged Amber and told her that he forgave her, and there was outrage. Many expressed that people of color were quick to forgive others for wrongdoings. Many insulted Mr. Botham's brother, referring to him as an Uncle Tom (which history tells us that Uncle Tom was a man of honor), and many were disgusted. I commend him for choosing to release that energy that bound him to her. Again, forgiving is merely releasing the connection that binds you to that person. 

If someone has wronged you and you genuinely want to forget them, forgive them. Holding onto that force is a constant reminder for that person to take up space in your head and move in and kick other more productive thoughts and people out. Many people walk away from those that hold grudges and harbor hate. Unforgiveness will eventually consume you with hatred, and your life can become unproductive, or at a minimum, peppered with disdain. So, for this next month, do an inventory of your life and consider who needs forgiveness. It's not for them; it's for you. Release the vitality that pins you to them, and then forget about them. It happens in that order. And it doesn't mean that you now must become friends, because you don't.