Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs for Couples




When we enter relationships there are many components that can derail the relationship before it begins. I purposely don't mention personalities or how to resolve conflict, what this speaks of is our basic needs and how if those needs aren't met within the relationship negative things can happen, the relationship can be over before it begins or we can spend our lives within the relationship and check out mentally. Below is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and what I've done is applied them to being in a relationship and how it would look if those needs were not met within the relationship. I encourage you to provide feedback. Oh, I've used the term "coupling" to refer to couples. 

- Physiological needs: food, water, warmth, rest

- In Coupling, these needs must be met so that each partner can feel safe in the created environment.

- If this stage isn't reached early in a relationship, the relationship can end quickly or immediately become toxic.


- Safety needs: security, safety

- In Coupling, these needs are the roles of each member of the home but can mainly rest on one person's shoulders; understanding the pressure of this and being sensitive to how each member contributes to the family secures the emotional part of this need.

- This is a basic need; if there is a fear of losing a place to live or that basic needs aren't met, members tend to show disrespect to each other, fighting is the go-to behavior, and it's usually over tiny things.


- Belongingness and love needs: intimate relationships, friends

- In Coupling, each member of the home must feel that they belong to the home, relationship or friendship. 

- If this stage isn't reached, members tend to seek to belong in other ways or in with others


- Esteem needs: prestige and feeling of accomplishment 

- Self-esteem is how one feels in relation to the environment they are in; your partner or friend can have high self-esteem at work and low self-esteem at home/within the friendship. It is the goal of each member to ensure that their behavior does not increase other members' anxiety. It is also the goal of each member to tell other members when their behavior is increasing their anxiety.

- If this stage isn't reached: members can spend time doing other things, work, hanging with friends, anything that will keep them from interacting or coming home. 


- Self-actualization: achieving one's full potential, including creative activities

- In Coupling, the goal is to have each member achieve their full potential within the home or friendship. To feel loved, welcomed, and like they belong there.

- If this stage isn't reached: members begin to exist within the marriage or relationship and not thrive. Sometimes they can feel stuck.


Take the time to evaluate your friendship or relationship and determine if your basic needs are being met. If they are, continue to thrive. If they aren't determine where the deficiency is and make the necessary changes. 


B. Yvette Myers, MA, LPC

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