No Gifts to Give by Christopher Ervin



While some of us are hanging all the mistletoe and singing of happy holidays and joy to the world, many gravitate to less cheerful holiday carols to mask how they feel. As bouncy and bright as Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You,” is it just a way to sugarplum coat the more truthful reality of the Emotions, “What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas?”. In a season of pandemics, isolation, and loss, this question is no longer rhetorical. As trees go up, lights twinkle amongst wreaths and reindeer, and the world fills with good cheer, let’s not overlook that many are closer to boo hoo hoo hoo than ho ho ho. And do understand these words are not to be grinch or put any coal in anyone’s stocking. 

 It is just taking a moment to pause among the carols and last-minute Christmas sales and the frantic pace of gift-giving. First, not overlooking the many that are close to us may be having a Blue Christmas, including yourself. That a letter to Santa will not bring back a job, a house, a lost loved one. That Christmas morning will not be a morning of opening presents, and all the family gathered at the table. That 2021 will bring as many new anxieties as it does new hope.

 So as you make out your Christmas list, add a few items. The good news is you don’t have to wait for doorbuster or worry about shipping delays. The other great thing is you can gift yourself as well. Patience will be very popular right now. Give people and yourself a little more time to be. Decisions will not come as readily. It will take a little longer to process the pros and cons of even the most straightforward decisions. Flexibility will be good too. A yes may suddenly become a no. And that is ok. Do not underestimate how valuable a Silent Night is with all the bombardment of external noise and internal chaos, a chance to meditate, reflect, even crying may be needed. This one is a little challenging and demanding to find at the last minute, forgiveness; this may be the first gift to yourself. I don’t know of anyone who got all of this year right. So forgiveness will need to be handed out generously to family, friends, and even strangers this holiday. And we understand unlike the other “gifts” we mentioned; you can be a little more selective with this one. Love. It is ok if you give it to yourself. But there is probably someone facing Another Lonely Christmas this year. A sip of love may be all they need to make it through the holidays. 

And finally, if you have none of these gifts to give or find your emotional stocking a little light, there is still a light to guide you through the night. No, it is not a Christmas miracle. And though they frown on you sitting on their knees (and with social distancing, no couches), therapists are there, even by phone or video, to guide you through the mental snowstorms of the holidays and make things a little merrier, a little brighter.

 

Christopher Ervin

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